You Are Not a Bad Mom (Even When You Think You Are…) 4


You Are Not a Bad Mom (even when you think you are...)

 

My goal at Sane Momma is to provide self-care tips and support for moms. But even I lose sight of things sometimes. What’s the number one thing that keeps me from taking care of myself? It’s when I don’t feel like I’m doing a good job. It’s when I get Mom Burnout and I feel like I am a crappy mom and a sucky wife. It could be because my son is misbehaving and I can’t seem to get a handle on the situation. Or maybe my husband said something that affected me, even though it was likely just a snide remark in the midst of a bad mood.

Whatever the circumstances, there are times when I am so down on myself that I skip out on self-care. It’s as though I am punishing myself for my “failures”. It’s times likes these when we mommas need self-care the most. We need to do something for ourselves to get out of our funk. Most of all, we need to tell ourselves “You are not a bad mom“.

 

You Are Not a Bad Mom

 

Chances are if you are a mom who follows mommy blogs like this one or chooses to read an article about how you feel like a bad mom sometimes, you are probably an awesome mom. Maybe you screwed something up this week or perhaps you feel a sense of guilt for not contributing more to the family financially (if you are a SAHM). Regardless, that doesn’t make you a bad mom.

Take a look at the big picture. Are your children as happy and healthy as they can be? What do you do to contribute to that? Most likely you are the one making that healthy food for them or caring for them when they are sick. I would bet that you are the one who makes the boo-boos better too. If you had a rough week, just remember, you are not a bad mom.

Struggling with Anxiety? Check out 8 Ways to Manage Anxiety for Moms

 

The Downward Spiral

Whenever this way of thinking comes in to play for me, a few things happen. The first thing that happens is that my husband and I get into an argument. No matter how big or small, I end up crying. I’m pretty sure I do this on purpose so that I have an excuse to cry out all the emotion that’s building up inside of me. Regardless, my husband is usually completely confused about what just happened.

After the emotion has been released, I usually go into the “why do I even try?” mode where decide that I’m just going to do nothing. This is not a good place for me. By nature, I am an upbeat, energetic and optimistic person. This version of me is exactly the opposite. At this point, my husband (who is grumpy and pessimistic by nature) will usually start pulling out all the tricks.

He will flirt with me, try to get me laugh, whatever it takes. I’m usually pretty stubborn, but he will often get a small chuckle out of me, despite my efforts to stay emotionless. Eventually, my true nature will start peeking through and I will acknowledge to myself that I need to address this funk.

So how do I get out of it?

 

Self-Care is the Answer

Self-care is always the answer for me. When I need to get out my funk, I try to think of one thing, anything, that will make me feel happy. Then I make it happen. Sometimes, that means some alone time with a cup of coffee and my journal. Other times, I just want to get out and go somewhere. I’ve found that I have turned into one of those moms I’m always reading about who loves Target. I swear they must pump something into the air in there because one leisurely stroll through Target can make just about anything better.

If I’m trying to get out of a pretty severe funk, I may even ask my husband to take over baby duty for a while so I can take a long luxurious bath. This of course has to include bath bombs, a face mask, a hair mask, and some relaxing music. I would say candles, but I just can’t do the candles by the bathtub thing. I’m kind of a weirdo about fire so it would just add stress to the equation.

Related Post – Mom Time: 5 Reasons Why You Deserve a Break

 

Keeping It Up

Ok, so the funk is gone. Cool. Back to the same ol’, same ol’, right? Wrong. If you don’t address the problem that got you into a funk in the first place, you’ll most likely end up right back in one. Most of the time, the behavior that allowed me to get into my funk was related to a lack of self-care or a burnout. I was probably taking on more than I could handle and not making any time for me. I’m willing to bet I’m not the only one who has this tendency.

Sometimes, the problem lies with my marriage. Maybe something is bothering me and I haven’t talked to my husband about it, heck I may have not even realized that it was an issue. Dig deep to think about what really got to you and, now that you’re clear-headed, tackle it. If it involves someone else, talk it out. If the issue has derived from someone outside of your family and it’s a reoccurring issue, maybe you need to reevaluate that relationship to see if this person is worth keeping in your life. Whatever the case may be, don’t just keep going on without addressing the problem simply because the funk has ended.

Another important thing to note is that you have to continue practicing self-care. You may not always have time to take that long luxurious bath that de-funk-ified you, but you still need to take care of yourself. A big contributor for me is staying active and maintaining my diet. First off, exercise makes you happy. Plain and simple. Secondly, your diet may have a bigger impact on your moods than you realize. I practice the Ketogenic diet. This a very low carb, high-fat diet. When I go way off track and consume entirely too many carbs, my body goes a little haywire. I definitely notice a change in my mood. Once I get back on track diet-wise, things start to level out.

Not sure where to get started with diet and exercise? Check out Sane Momma’s 2018 Lose the Baby Weight Challenge! Even if you don’t have any baby weight to lose, this challenge includes a diet and exercise plan that can provide you with permanent lifestyle changes you need to look and feel fantastic.

 

Don’t Give Up

I wish I could provide every mom out there with an extra hour each day for self-care. It is beyond important and so often neglected. You, and you alone have the power to take care of yourself. You can improve your mood and energy level. Only you can give yourself the fuel you need to care for others. You can feel good about how you look. But YOU have to do it. No one is going to do it for you.

Are you a celebrity with a personal trainer and a chef working solely for you? I didn’t think so. (Although if you are, and you are reading my blog, I love you – please support me.) Most likely, if you choose to sit around eating Doritos and feeling sorry for yourself, no one is going to stop you. I am fortunate to have a spouse who recognizes when I am at my lowest points and snaps out of his pessimism momentarily to center me when I need it, but even then, I have to be the one to actually make the change.

 

Alright mommas, are you ready to get out of your funk? Are you ready to take care of YOU? Remember, just because you are having a rough time, or you don’t feel like you’re momming abilities are up to par right now, you are not a bad mom. Did you hear me? You are not a bad mom. You can do this. Just make the decision to be the best version of you and do it!

 

Get up and GO (…to Target…seriously. It’s magic)

 

You Are Not a Bad Mom (even when you think you are...)

 

What do YOU do to get out of your funk? I want to know in the comments below!

 

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About Sane Momma

Jessica is a happily married stay at home mom of a little boy with a big personality. After having her son, she realized how important it is for moms to take care of themselves physically and mentally. Sane Momma is her contribution to help mommas everywhere find some sanity and focus on self-care.

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4 thoughts on “You Are Not a Bad Mom (Even When You Think You Are…)

  • Michelle

    Reading about self-care reminds me of the airplane going down. You have to help yourself before you will be able to help anyone else. It’s easy to forget to take care of ourselves because someone is always crying for assistance. 🙂

  • Amber

    Love this!
    I also switched to a keto diet last year and it was LIFE CHANGING. It’s done more for my self-care than anything because I’m not fighting against my body anymore.
    I think my biggest piece of advice to other moms out there is “Speak up!” If you need help, say so. If you need something to change, say so! If you need to take that bath, say so!
    Self-care is so important to remember.

    • Sane Momma Post author

      I’m so happy to hear from someone else who gets as excited about Keto as me! I agree, it doesn’t feel like I’m going against what my body tells me like other diets I have tried. Great advice on speaking up! I had a really hard time with that in the beginning but have gotten better at it over the last year. It’s made a really big difference! Thanks so much for commenting!